Relationships and Your Family

Peer pressure can happen at any age. Children and adolescents are not the only ones who can fall victim to the perils of peer pressure; life as an adult can be just as difficult. Certain things do not change no matter how much we mature. Wanting to be accepted in the eyes of others is not all that uncommon and is not necessarily unhealthy unless a person allows this desire to interfere with his or her true self.

Dating is a big example of when peer pressure can cloud a person’s judgment. When I was a teenager I had a best friend who was more like a sister to me. Because we were always together she had a huge impact on my dating. She was always honest in her opinions and while I knew she had my best interest at heart and spoke out of love, we were different people. Our perspectives differed as did our tastes in boys. I am not ashamed to say that, at that age, I saw only physical attributes and did not necessarily care about morals. She helped me see beyond the superficial level and in retrospect I am grateful that she was there and willing to offer her advice, but I had to remember that the final decision was mine to make. In some cases, people lose their independence and allow their family and friends to dictate their lives.

The natural order of events is that we meet someone, begin dating, feel that there is potential for the relationship to grow at which point we instantly want to acquaint the person with our world. In doing so, we arrange for this special person to meet the other special people in our lives. The first introduction between our loved ones is the most important and allows us the opportunity to gage how the person will fit into our world. The interactions between a new love interest and one’s family reveal important information. Once the meet and greet is over, the person will naturally want feedback from family and friends about the person they have chosen to share their life with -- the “final stamp of approval.” The input received from family and friends can either seal the deal or cause a person to reconsider. More often than not, if family and friends do not support the union then it is only a matter of time before it ends. What I am unable to figure out is if this is because we value the opinion of those whom we love the most since they tend to know us best or if it has more to do with not wanting to look bad in the eyes of others.

Through the years I have come to realize that it is important for the people we love to get along, but we should not allow our family and friends to dictate who we date. The days of arranged marriages are long gone.  I have developed a checklist in order to clarify whether continuing to date a person is truly the right decision for ME. Feel free to adapt this checklist for personal use or develop one of your own.

Was I happy with this person before introducing him or her to my family?

Am I with this person because I love who he or she is inside and how he or she makes me feel and not because of materialistic qualities?  

Does this person make me laugh and share similar interests?

Do I see myself growing old with this person?

If I can answer yes to the items on my checklist then I know I have selected this person for the right reasons…LOVE and I will remain in the relationship no matter what anyone else thinks or feels. Those closest to us might have their own agendas which might cloud judgment. Think about it, if one of our friends or family members was recently scorned, then they could be speaking from a tainted opinion of love. Even if this is not the case, only we know what we truly want from love so why should we allow anyone else so much control over such an important, life altering decision?  At the end of the day, family and friends are a wonderful means of support and should always be respected but WE must choose our own destiny. Do not continue to allow the handcuffs of “PEER PRESSURE” to hold you captive!

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