by Tanya Sanchez
Can a relationship survive infidelity? "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part." Traditionally, these are the words that tie us together in marriage, whether we stand before God and recite these words or before a judge, we are pledging to share our lives only with this person. When did it change? Infidelity has become a widespread epidemic plaguing our society. It seems as if the values which once existed between husband and wife are no longer honored. Many relationships have been affected. When did the wandering eye become more than just an eye? In my journey to answer this question, I interviewed various people in order to get different opinions on the matter. It seems that no matter where I turned, I ran into people who had personal experience with this topic. Word on the Street: Can a relationship survive infidelity? Interview 1:
"My answer would be a definite NO! I could give you a slew of reasons, but the main reason is the trust is no longer there. A day does not go by that you don't question what they are doing or where they are going. It would be easier to let that person go so you do not have to suffer with the thoughts of infidelity on a daily basis. If you are still with that person you have to be very strong minded to put those thoughts out of your head so you can have peace of mind, but even the strong minded tend to falter. It is that faltering that causes problems in the already strained relationship." - Signed, Doubtful in Virginia Interview 2:
"First there has to be true demonstration of remorse and secondly the person who committed the affair has to agree to 24-hour accountability, which means if I call you 50 times per day you should answer and not be angry. The reason is, he who commits the act has the burden of doing whatever it takes to assure their partner that they are remorseful, faithful and really want to rebuild the relationship. It's never the victims' fault therefore he/she should not have to hurt any longer wondering about anything. In short, the ability to recover after infidelity totally depends on each person and their ability to look at their relationship for what it REALLY is." - Signed, Restored Interview 3:
"If you decide to stay together after infidelity you must know that the road to fixing things is very long and extremely hard. The trust will not be something that just comes. You have to work to prove that you can be trusted. And that is going to take a long time, especially when you've been hurt in that way. But you just really need to figure out what you want in your life. What is going to make you happy? If you think this person can do that for you then you take the chance. If you think things will never change then it might be time to move on. Just make sure that if you do decide to stay that you will both be willing to do what needs to be done and it isn't one sided." - Signed, Mending fences Interview 4:
"Yes, but it depends on a whole lot of things: why it happened, how it happened, who with, how many times, what is the nature of the relationship? Was it an, oops, I was drunk? Was it a one-night stand? What was the reason for cheating? Is there something lacking sexually in the relationship? All of those things need to be investigated. I think it is possible if each person's needs are being met and it does not happen again. I tend to agree that the first time it is their fault, the second time it is yours!" - Signed, Indifferent It is evident that there are many schools of thought on this topic. The old school opinion is, "Once a cheat always a cheat," which basically means if a person strays then they cannot be trusted and will most likely be unfaithful throughout the entire relationship. In that instance, the person who is the victim of the infidelity would be advised to leave the relationship. However, in today's modern society, with all the therapy available, it does seem possible to rebuild a healthy relationship and restore trust. The bottom line is that both parties must decide whether or not the time and energy required to mend the wound will be well spent. Some couples have problems that stem far beyond infidelity and were already on the road to break up. If infidelity is the least of a couple's worries it would seem that reconciliation is not the key and they should probably continue down that road towards separation and work on self healing. I would like to thank those who participated in this survey. Your input was definitely appreciated. Tanya Spoke! Sincerely,
Tanya-Sabor HR
tanya@saborhr.com | 
